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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022138">Always Blame The Tank</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DatabaseMage/pseuds/DatabaseMage'>DatabaseMage</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Log Horizon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dirty Talk, Don't copy to another site, Fluff and Smut, Light-Hearted, M/M, MMO terms, Quite a bit of swearing, Sexual Humor, Slash, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Voice Kink, humor into UST</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:47:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,044</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24022138</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DatabaseMage/pseuds/DatabaseMage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the early days of Naotsugu and Shiroe raiding together, one raid goes horribly wrong...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Naotsugu/Shiroe (Log Horizon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Always Blame The Tank</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            A translation of

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/615793">No title</a> by Werekat.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, this was the story that started me on writing LH fanfic. I’d just finished the series and was reading all the fandom stuff I could find on it. And one of the posts I found contained the following request:</p><p>“Naotsugu/Shiroe; sex in voice chat. UST+, humor+.<br/>But strictly humor turning into UST, not UST into humor.<br/>C’mon, Universe! Grant me my wish!”</p><p>And the scene just popped into my head fully-formed. Apparently, I was chosen for wish-granting purposes by some Log Horizon smut genie. :P</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ohh, yeah, say that again,” moaned Naotsugu. His chair wasn’t particularly comfortable, but it still allowed him to lean back, legs spread, and completely lose himself in the enchanter’s soft voice.</p><p>Shiroe spoke slowly, letting Naotsugu savor each word.</p><p>“If… The tank… Dies… It’s… The healer’s… Fault.”</p><p>Naotsugu threw back his head and licked his lips on reflex. He wanted a drink. Badly. The stronger – the better. The raid was off to an abysmal start, bad enough that they decided to take an early 15-minute break and then reconvene, so he had to stay sober. He could never tank properly while drunk, so that form of relief was out of the question…</p><p>But he could always ask a friend for sweet, sweet release.</p><p>“More!”</p><p>The enchanter’s voice was merciless towards their raid-mates.</p><p>“If… The DPS… Dies… It’s… Their own… Damn… Fault… For botching… Aggro… Management.”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>“Leeroy… Jenkins...”</p><p>“YES! Fuck yes, say that again, Shiroe!”</p><p>“Leeroy… Jenkins...”</p><p>“FUCK! You bastard, that feels good!”</p><p>He could almost see the enchanter smile, sitting at his computer, glasses glistening – Naotsugu always imagined him as an awfully nerdy guy – but that smile would have a bit of ruthlessness in it, always.</p><p>“I’m just getting warmed up,” the enchanter said in a voice that made shivers run down Naotsugu’s spine. “The best part is yet to come. Shall I?”</p><p>“Yeah… Yeah… Go on.”</p><p>“In… That… Phase… One… Shouldn’t… Spend… Every… Taunt.”</p><p>Several seconds of stunned silence followed. Then Naotsugu sat up straight.</p><p>“Son of a bitch!”</p><p>The enchanter was silent, but Naotsugu imagined that he was choking down laughter.</p><p>“You..! I’ll… All the cleaves are going to be yours for that, you hear me? ALL the cleaves!”</p><p>“Sorry,” and Naotsugu could hear in Shiroe’s voice that he was not sorry at all. “But you really did mistime your aggro cooldowns. Don’t do it again.”</p><p>“You could’ve picked a better time to tell me!”</p><p>“Hey, at least this way it’s memorable,” the enchanter’s voice became soft again. “And you won’t get outaggroed by healers and DPS anymore.”</p><p>This was utterly and completely unfair.</p><p>“Fuck, Strategist, you know you miscalculated that?”</p><p>“I’m sorry?”</p><p>“Yeah, man!” And it was Naotsugu’s turn to grin. “I’ll own the healer wipe, but for the DPS wipe – I did have a taunt up. The 2,5 second one, the one that puts you on top with a modest lead. I used it. He didn’t use his aggro reduction, and continued with the damn re-opener!”</p><p>“Did… Did I miss that?” The enchanter actually sounded deflated for once.</p><p>“Yup,” Naotsugu gloated. “Check the logs. So you owe me! For the wrongful accusation and for my wonderful interrupted dreams!”</p><p>“All right,” Shiroe agreed with an unusual placidity. “I’ll make amends.”</p><p>“Great! I’ll take those!” Said Naotsugu happily. “Though I have no idea how you can make up for those broken dreams of mine!”</p><p>The enchanter was silent for a few seconds, and then he whispered – and his silky voice carried through the headphones as if he were standing right over Naotsugu. It was that same softness from before – and yet somehow it took on completely different undertones.</p><p>“...Panties.”</p><p>“Wh- wha? Shiroe, what the actual fu-?..”</p><p>“Be quiet and listen,” the enchanter interrupted softly, powerfully. This was the voice which made even the most rowdy players listen in raids. Naotsugu shut up and fell back into his chair. “She forgot her underwear at your place. Her panties are milky-white, just barely moistened by what happened between you two last night. You took them off very quickly then.”</p><p>
  <em>How the fuck does he know about that kink?!</em>
</p><p>Naotsugu liked joking about panties – but for someone to actually take that seriously? Out of all the juvenile shit he spouted in-raid? And… And his favorite fantasy, too?!</p><p>“S-strategist, you s-son of a...”</p><p>“You think she forgot them on purpose,” the enchanter’s soft whisper continued. “Her skirt was so short… She knew you would enjoy thinking about her going home on the train, the wet dream of anyone in that car… So beautiful, risking herself for one sole purpose – that you would completely lose your mind thinking about her...”</p><p>Naotsugu’s hand took on a will of its own and crawled down to his boxers. But then the enchanter fell silent, and the hand froze, as if Shiroe could command it with his voice alone.</p><p>
  <em>Just like a stunned mob. S-son of a bi-i-tch…</em>
</p><p>What came out of Naotsugu’s throat was close to a whine.</p><p>“C’mon, s-s-s… Shiroe… Go.. Go on…</p><p>“You found them in your bed...”</p><p>PING!</p><p>The tank jumped at the notification. Disoriented, Naotsugu looked at the chat and found a message from their current raid leader: “All right, 15 minutes are up. Let’s keep going.”</p><p>“Fucking hell...” the tank moaned pitifully.</p><p>“I still owe you,” the enchanter said in a much less seductive voice. He sounded almost shy. “We can continue after the raid. If… If you want, of course.”</p><p>“Just tell me one thing, Strategist,” Naotsugu was slowly regaining his senses. “How – just how – in the world did you ever find out about this?”</p><p>“You are quite outspoken,” and just like that, the shyness was gone, replaced by that note of pride which Shiroe usually had after a particularly difficult raid. “I simply remembered, like I remember stats and abilities. So: what do you think? Was that a good start on making amends?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, damn good. I mean, you’d want loot of the same quality kind of good. Hope we clear this stupid raid and you can get yours. You deserve it.”</p><p>“I like that comparison,” that smile again, the one he could almost see! Not all teeth, but tiny, almost unnoticeable… And those glasses…</p><p>Naotsugu finally sat up straight, wrote “yeah, give me 2 min, coming” to the raidlead, and said aloud: “Remember what I said about there being two kinds of men in this world? Strategist – just so you know – you are definitely a hidden pervert! The king of hidden perverts!”</p><p>“Well, you more than make up for it by being an open one,” it sounded like Shiroe licked his lips. “We’ll pick this up later. For now, remember those taunts. I think you can afford to space them a bit more before people’s openers come up again.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Afterword: I like to imagine that this is early on in their raiding careers, so Naotsugu can still lose aggro to mismanagement, and Shiroe isn’t quite yet as good at strategizing.<br/>The aggro management model is one where aggro is the joint responsibility of tanks and DPS.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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